Most often the grief seems overwhelming and unbearable. Few believe that their lives will ever return to anything resembling normality. But at some point most people do find a way through their sorrow and become, once again, part of the on-goingness of life.

Yet no two people are alike. Some recover quickly, some more slowly and some are changed forever. During the period of intense grief, people often think they are going crazy. Some people hear voices or see visions; others find themselves attached to odd objects.

I have seen long-term friendships disintegrate because of misunderstandings and I have known people who were once emotionally strong suddenly weep at unexpected times, in unexpected places. People feel embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, edgy, withdrawn, anti-social and angry. They sometimes act in ways totally uncharacteristic and this is why they feel they must be going mad. They are no longer themselves.

I have also learned that there is no such thing as a timetable for grieving nor is there such a thing as the proper way to grieve. The most that can be said is that there is a general pattern, a broad outline, but within these contours each person finds his or her own way. What is true is that for many the amount of time grief takes to work itself through is far longer than outsiders realise.

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